Matchmaking
by Alley Cat Sunflower
Summary: When Cardin mentions something in passing about how Team RWBY doesn't have boyfriends, Yang takes it a little personally, and her solution to the "single" problem is a little unconventional. Please keep the genres in mind; this is my reaction to White Rose and Bumblebee, not a sincere addition to those archives. I do not own RWBY or the cover art!


"Remind me why we're doing this again?"

Weiss's voice was authoritative as usual, her arms folded as she stared at Yang. The flammable blonde was maddeningly unruffled by her teammates' stares; if anything, she was encouraged by their clear disapproval, if her slight smirk was anything to go by. Admittedly, she wasn't absolutely sure it would work, but it would at the very least make him uncomfortable.

"Because Cardin Winchester thinks girls need men—thinks Team RWBY is weak because we don't have boyfriends to carry us," explained Yang patiently, leaning against the wall by the door. "And we're going to show him that we can carry ourselves. Ladies, tomorrow morning, we start falling in love!"

Ruby sighed, unspoken objections hanging in the air with the sound. "Yang, he might be a bully, but…" She trailed off uncertainly, exchanging a glance with Blake—a book lay open in her lap, but she was for once more immersed in the conversation than her nightly reading. "I really don't think this is a good idea. What if you're wrong? What if it doesn't work?"

"We'll have wasted a whole week of our lives living a _lie_," added Weiss, staring frustratedly at the ceiling as she dropped her arms to her side, fists clenched. Why was Yang so convinced this would actually accomplish anything? Was it possible she actually harbored feelings for the Faunus?

Blake sighed and closed her book, laying it on the bedside table. "We can't just rush into things," she murmured thoughtfully, though her voice barely masked clear misgivings. "We need a strategy if we're going to be convincing. First of all, we have to draw attention to ourselv—"

"I can think of a few ways," grinned Yang, and Blake shook her head, annoyed.

"That's what I _mean_," she hissed, Faunus side momentarily surfacing before she cleared her throat. "We can't move too quickly, or else people will get suspicious. We should work up slowly to things like _that_."

"Fine, fine," shrugged Yang, relenting; this was as close to complete acceptance of her plan as she would get. "Any objections?"

Ruby hesitated before shaking her head; Weiss gave Yang an icy stare, but eventually bowed her head in defeat; Blake merely shrugged and lay back on her bed. Yang smiled and clambered onto her bunk as well—her plan was set in motion, even if her teammates' approval wasn't fully given.

It was official. Tomorrow, everyone in Team RWBY would have a girlfriend.

* * *

"Rise and shine, kitten!"

Blake opened one eye grouchily to see Yang beaming at her, and groaned softly, debating pulling a pillow over her head. "It _has _to be two hours before classes start," she yawned. "What do you want?"

"Good; you answered to the nickname," smiled Yang, and Blake cursed internally. "That's the first step! Now, call me something cute." Her hair fell into her face, and Blake raised an eyebrow, brain sluggish.

"Hairy," she decided, unable to suppress a small smile as Yang scowled. What had she expected, genuine affection? She'd just been awakened an hour earlier than usual for apparently trivial reasons. That wasn't something Blake took kindly to in any situation; if it had been Adam, she would have reacted exactly the same way.

"How about 'hot stuff' or 'sunshine' or something just as punny?" returned Yang, when Blake made no move to correct herself; the Faunus just stared at her blankly. Maybe, if she didn't react, she'd be allowed to catch up on her sleep, but she had her doubts—Yang was already fully dressed.

"Wha's going on?" asked Ruby sleepily from her dangerously suspended bunk, and Yang glanced over her shoulder.

"Nothing, flower," she returned cheerfully, and Blake rolled her eyes in her peripheral vision before turning away. "Go back to sleep."

"Flower?" protested Ruby, sounding much more awake—and much more hostile. "Since when am I 'flower'?"

"Since today, and you'll be 'flower' for the next week if Weiss will listen to me," responded Yang sweetly. "Speaking of Weiss, why don't you kiss her awake, or something? You two ought to start developing your ro—"

"Me? Kiss _Weiss_? Ugh!" Ruby interrupted Yang and stuck her tongue out to emphasize her disgust.

"What?!" exclaimed Weiss suddenly, her eyes flying open; she wanted the first thing she heard in the morning to be _anything _but the sound of her teammates plotting an extremely undesirable match involving her. "I'm not having my first kiss be with a—a _child_!" she protested.

"And I don't want _my _first kiss to be with a girl!" exclaimed Ruby adamantly, and Yang sighed as the two of them agreed with one another—a rare occurrence at best. Maybe this wouldn't be as easy as she'd initially thought…

* * *

"Everyone, I have an important announcement to make," proclaimed Yang, and Blake stared at her breakfast, her appetite vanished. The fiery blonde had at least acknowledged that they should move more slowly than she had first suggested—but they'd still eventually have to act like a real couple.

Weiss had hardly warmed up to the idea over the last couple hours; Ruby was a little more tolerant, though not by much. Blake was willing to do almost anything to prove Cardin wrong, but she had doubts about whether this was the right way to go about doing it. What, exactly, would this do, except potentially alienate their friends?

"What is it?" asked Jaune, taking a bite of pancake, and Ruby glanced at him guiltily. If she was 'going out' with Weiss, what would he say? Would he start officially going out with Pyrrha or something, since she was technically taken now? She prayed he wouldn't take it _too_ amiss and think she wasn't an option anymore.

"Blake and I are officially girlfriends," beamed Yang, as confidently as if it were true, and as she put an arm easily around her new partner's shoulders, Blake released a halfhearted smile she hoped looked adorably bashful. She wasn't in the habit of acting, after all, though she was sure she'd get better at it if they were going to live like this for a whole week.

Jaune promptly choked on his pancake, eyes widening, and Pyrrha whacked him comfortingly on the back; Weiss cleared her throat and parted her lips slightly, perhaps to reveal her 'good' news as well, but the words committed suicide before they ever reached her tongue, and she shut her mouth hastily. She wouldn't say it. She _couldn't_.

"And Weiss and I are going out now, too," added Ruby after a hesitation, words accompanied by a falsely bright smile. She certainly wasn't as great an actress as her bold and confident sister, but she knew how to fake at least basic emotions, and getting a new girlfriend was probably supposed to be happymaking. Even if it was Weiss.

"What?!" choked Jaune, eyes watering as he stared at her.

"When did all this happen?" asked Ren levelly, looking almost suspiciously between the four girls, and Cardin glanced over from the other table: Ruby, thinking quickly, rested her head on Weiss's shoulder, hoping he would see the gesture. The heiress stiffened, glancing down at her with somewhat cold surprise, but reluctantly permitted her black-and-red head to stay there. _It's only for a week, _she reminded herself despairingly.

"Oh, our courtship has been going on for awhile," shrugged Yang, waving an airy hand and tousling Blake's hair: the Faunus grit her teeth, wondering if she could survive her teammate's overbearing affections for seven full days. "We were really just waiting for the right time to tell you all."

"Well, congratulations!" chirped Nora excitedly, raising her mug of coffee as though toasting them. "You're all so cute together!" Pyrrha murmured her fervent agreement, looking somewhat relieved as she continued to massage Jaune's back, her eyes flicking now and again towards the helpless Ruby with something like triumphant curiosity.

"We should get to class," stated Weiss somewhat stiffly. "Come on, _flower_," she added, trying to suppress her resentment, and Pyrrha smiled at the endearment (Weiss made a valiant attempt not to scowl): Ruby shot up awkwardly from the table and waved halfheartedly at the others as she hustled away, followed by a severely displeased and embarrassed Weiss.

Today was going to be a _long _day.

* * *

"Pet names, check," sighed Blake heavily that evening, crossing an item off a neatly made mental checklist as she tugged off her stockings. "Brace yourselves, everyone. Tomorrow, we're going to have to hold hands."

There was a simultaneous drawn-out groan from Weiss and a faint noise of protest from Ruby, but neither of them made any coherent arguments and merely clambered into their respective beds without a word. Blake hardly felt enthusiastic about the idea herself, but it was progress, and it _would _(with any luck) help prove a point to Cardin.

"Cheer up, girls," sang Yang gaily as she flopped on her back on the top bunk; Blake cast a worried look towards the stacks of books supporting her bed, but they miraculously didn't stir. "Only six days to go!"

"Six whole _days_," moaned Weiss miserably. "I don't think I'm going to survive."

* * *

"So, Blake and Yang told us their story," began Pyrrha, glancing over at Weiss, and the heiress's heart skipped a beat as she realized she was going to have to make up some story about how they fell in _love_. She could have retched. "What's yours?" added Pyrrha, confirming her worst fear.

She exchanged a look with Ruby, whose eyes were wide, and the younger girl sighed, recognizing Weiss's obvious discomfort. "Well, uh, we sort of got off on the wrong foot at first," she said hesitantly, glancing over at Yang (whose arm was once more around Blake's shoulders), "but then… I dunno…"

"What Ruby _means_ to say," interjected Weiss, surprising herself and Ruby with her interruption (but reasoning with herself that she clearly had no idea where she was going with this), "is that… in the very beginning, I pushed her away because I was afraid of my feelings… and eventually got up the courage to tell her the truth."

That was complete _bullshit_, and the aftertaste of the lie made her swallow. She'd opened up in the interest of cooperation with her team; in all honesty, quite a lot still annoyed her about Ruby Rose. She doubted whether that would ever change.

Her train of thought was abruptly derailed as Ruby slipped her hand suddenly into hers. It was much warmer than hers, and somewhat moist from being nervously clenched, but Weiss found herself somewhat grateful for the support—even if she hated that it was Ruby's hand she held.

"Aww, that's so _sweet_," smiled Nora, leaning her head on her hand, and Cardin glanced over his shoulder once more with a somewhat confused frown. Ruby noticed and tossed a small and encouraging smile sideways to Weiss, squeezing her hand: Yang tugged Blake's head closer to her shoulder, and the Faunus reluctantly allowed herself to rest her head.

Ren sighed. "Couples," he muttered, sounding a little less cool and apathetic than usual; that was actually _annoyance_, if Blake wasn't much mistaken. "I'm going to get more pancakes."

Nora leapt up and followed him, and Yang raised an eyebrow after them, grinning at the irony. They were basically a couple themselves, even if they wouldn't admit it; they certainly seemed close enough, anyway. Even if Nora insisted they weren't 'together-together', as she put it, there was certainly _something _there.

Yang sighed and ruffled Blake's hair again. "Well, Blakey," she smiled, "let's go." Blake sighed as she was steered away from the table, feeling Cardin's eyes burn into them both, and hoping very much they'd given him enough of a show. Couldn't they stop now?

"_Nobody _calls me 'Blakey'," growled Blake quietly, swiftly removing Yang's arm from around her shoulders as soon as they rounded the corner. 'Kitten' was bad enough—but _Blakey_?

* * *

"All right," began Blake wearily, and Ruby tuned a tired ear into what had apparently become the nightly strategy meeting. "Cardin is onto us. I don't know if he's actually keeping an eye on us or just noticing, but the public displays of affection seem to be working, anyway."

"Well, at least we're not embarrassing ourselves for _nothing_," snapped Weiss, and pulled the covers over her head.

Blake hesitated. "Tomorrow, we can finally admit our undying love to one another." She stared up at the top bunk where Yang already lay, checking messages on her Scroll (if the light was anything to go by), and wondered what exactly she was plotting this time.

"Oh, goody," groaned Ruby, covering her eyes exhaustedly. "I can't wait."

Weiss hoped fervently that she would suffocate before morning.

* * *

Weiss did _not_ suffocate before morning, much to her dismay, and now sat in silence with Ruby's hand in hers, staring stonily into space and hoping vaguely that she looked thoughtful instead of grim like she felt.

"I love you, Blake," murmured Yang, and almost bestowed a tender kiss on the top of her partner's head before she remembered to slow down. But, in her defense, she just couldn't help herself. All the relationships she'd ever been in before had moved almost as quickly as Blake moved in battle, so she'd hardly experienced the kind of slow-and-steady romance Blake seemed to think necessary.

Personally, Yang was of the opinion that the more realistic and graphic the show, the better—and she was working all the charm in her curvaceous body to try and seduce Blake for the greater good. If she would just loosen up a little…

"I love you too," responded Blake in a whisper, though her eyes were closed in an effort not to look at those she just _knew _were staring at her. She didn't consider herself 'in love' with anyone, and doubted she ever really had been. She may enjoy the occasional awful romance novel, which she was sure she could write a hundred times better if she'd ever experienced any of it for herself—but the thing was, she _hadn't _experienced any of it herself, and what's more, she didn't really want to. Blake would pretend for a week, simply for the sake of manipulating Cardin Winchester, but her heart quite literally wasn't in it.

Cardin's group elbowed him to point 'discreetly' at the two of them; his eyes widened briefly before they pulled him back into the conversation. Pyrrha, meanwhile, smiled dreamily at Yang and Blake as though wishing she could have a moment like that too, and Ruby thought she knew with whom she was imagining herself as her vivid green eyes landed on an oblivious Jaune.

It wasn't until lunch that Ruby cleared her throat and turned to Weiss, meeting her ice-blue eyes with some difficulty. "Weiss…" she began apprehensively, in a voice no louder than a mumble. "I…"

They continued to look into one another's eyes, expressions solemn, before Weiss's cracked into annoyance. "I love you, too," she asserted, as softly as possible—not very; it came out more like a harsh assertion than anything else, though she fancied her voice was at least a little tenderer than usual. "Now be quiet and eat your waffles."

Ruby sighed, but gave a good-natured grin as she dipped her head. "Yes, princess," she murmured, and a smile tugged at the corner of Weiss's mouth. _Princess, _she thought contentedly, half against her will, as she hesitantly dabbed a napkin on Ruby's syrupy chin for added effect. _I could get used to that part of this mess…_

* * *

"Well, tomorrow we get even more… involved," muttered Blake into the darkness, hoping faintly that her teammates were already asleep so they wouldn't have to react to the next day's plan. "No kisses yet—" Thanks to various deities were heard from the other side of the room; Weiss and Ruby evidently hadn't drifted off yet after all. "But we _will_ have to get more comfortable with hugging."

Ruby sighed. This was all becoming very complicated, very quickly, for a very minimal reaction from their single, idiotic, intolerant target. The sooner this week ended, the better.

* * *

Blake had never felt so helpless as when she was gathered close to Yang, her head on her shoulder, with the blonde's arm around her slender waist. She hated close contact, especially with someone as _comfortable _as Yang with this kind of thing.

Weiss, meanwhile, wasn't much more comfortable, with Ruby's arms thrown around her neck while she daintily picked at her breakfast: she felt distinctly constricted, though her hands were far from her throat. Embraces weren't her style.

Cardin had turned around fully this time and was observing the two couples through narrowed eyes, and Yang smiled a little to herself, pretending its origin had been Blake's presence next to her instead of the indication that their little plan was working. Sooner or later, she was sure they'd start being questioned.

She wasn't wrong.

"Hey, are you two… going out or something?" asked one of their fellow students in a whisper during a lull in the lesson, when Yang insisted on holding hands with Blake beneath their desks despite the fact that Cardin wasn't even in the classroom. (It wasn't the first time the Faunus had questioned her motives.)

Blake turned around, finding no need to fake a blush as the warmth rose to her cheeks, and that seemed to be answer enough for their curious classmate; Yang, meanwhile, smirked. Publicity was her goal; rumors would circulate; and Cardin would be forced to acknowledge that they were strong, independent young women who didn't need men.

Of course, she'd already told her many guy friends all about the ploy, and they were doing all they could to spread the rumors, unbeknownst to all her teammates—but it seemed no one really believed them until the most recent couple days.

It was all for the best, Weiss forced herself to think as Ruby gave her an adoring look for the purpose of showing off for a few of Cardin's companions, both of whom pointed and whispered, looking something between intrigued, scornful, and afraid.

A little like Weiss herself felt. Romance hardly came easily to someone as naturally cold and distant as her, after all. But she was doing all she could despite being almost at the end of her rope; she prayed futilely that it wouldn't get any worse.

* * *

It got worse. "Kisses," said Blake tonelessly that evening, and that single word—the only one she needed to mention—was enough to provoke several seconds' worth of incoherent splutters from Ruby, shocked silence from Weiss, and a chuckle from Yang.

"Things are finally getting good," sighed the latter, rubbing her hands together. This was where the results would really start rolling in; Cardin would probably be forced to acknowledge both pairings and admit that they'd been just as good as his team in class lately.

"Yang, _why_ are you so into this?" snapped Ruby, the first time in a long time Blake had ever heard her angry. "I already told you, I don't want to lose my first kiss to _Weiss _for the sake of getting to Cardin!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, re_lax_, lil' sis," responded Yang, as patiently as she could. "You don't have to kiss her on the lips. You just have to make it convincing, okay? There are only a few more days of this, and then you're free to chase after Vomit Boy or whatever."

There was some grumbling from Ruby's side, but no denial, and Blake and Weiss released simultaneous, heavy sighs at her resignation. They could hardly say no anymore, now that their 'other halves' were at least grudgingly approving. They would just have to stick it out for another three days.

* * *

"Uh, Ruby?"

Weiss's voice was apprehensive, and her blue eyes were wide as Ruby leaned forward. They'd just finished dessert; much to their surprise, Yang and Blake hadn't made a move all day, seemingly waiting for Weiss and Ruby to catch a clue this time—that, or Blake had finally snapped and flat-out refused. Weiss wasn't sure which, but either seemed plausible.

"What?" breathed Ruby, half-annoyed, and her gray eyes flashed fire. "I'm trying to be romantic here!"

"What's romantic about _this_?! You're just invading my personal space!" hissed Weiss, but Ruby pecked her hurriedly on the cheek as she spoke, and the heiress raised a hand to where her lips had met her. She blushed automatically, rubbing the spot and hoping she didn't look her disgust—and prayed Cardin had caught that, because there was _no way _she was doing it again.

"Don't be so shy!" exclaimed Nora, sitting across from them, and beamed encouragingly. "You're a couple. You're allowed." As if to prove her point, she tried to nuzzle Ren's neck, but he held his hand up and pushed her head gently away, murmuring something about a time and a place (the color rising into his pale cheeks, making Yang smile).

"I'm going to bed," announced Blake softly, faking as realistic a yawn as she could. "Good night, sunshine," she added to Yang, masking reluctance under feigned sleepiness, and closed her eyes lazily as her teammate brought her lips down gently to hers.

She pulled away after they barely brushed, feeling her cheeks redden, and darted back to her room as quickly as she could. That was… less terrible than she had anticipated, to be sure, but still unpleasant. What would Adam say?

Weiss sighed, wishing she'd taken a leaf out of Blake's book for once and run for it, but she was stuck here until Ruby decided to get her childish black-and-red-haired head off her shoulder. She glanced backward curiously to see Cardin observing them before turning away hastily, and allowed herself a single, smug smile—and planted a kiss on Ruby's head once she was sure he had turned back towards them. _May as well give him a show._

* * *

"Second-to-last day tomorrow," observed Blake with strained cheerfulness, and was met with a weak cheer went up from both bunks across from her. "But we should increase our contact a little more," she added, and Ruby closed her eyes, crestfallen. She should have known better than to think that tonight would be all about good news when there were still a couple days of torture to go.

"We might try… being in one another's laps, or something like that," added Blake tentatively, and was met only with stony silence—but no comprehensible objections. She merely rolled over, wondering what Yang was thinking, and wishing wholeheartedly she hadn't just bequeathed her first real kiss to someone so _flighty _as the fiery blonde who slept so soundly above her.

* * *

"Weiss?!"

Weiss held a finger to Ruby's lips to hush her as she rested her head in her leader's lap, lying on the bench and resenting that her red tulle underskirts were so comfortable to lie on. _Honestly, _she sighed inwardly, closing her eyes to avoid having to look at Ruby eating breakfast.

However, something occurred to her half a second later, and her eyes shot open again. "If you drop a waffle on me, so help me—" Weiss was just beginning to warn, when a drop of syrup fell onto her cheek from Ruby's fork.

She sat up abruptly with a gasp, only to find Ruby approaching her with tongue ever so slightly extended in an unspoken suggestion—and, as she noticed that Cardin was watching, closed her eyes and wished she could sink through the floor as Ruby cleaned up her mess, blushing furiously.

Yang observed the two silently, her arms wrapped around Blake's waist, and leaned her chin on the Faunus's shoulder. "Don't cats groom each other?" she hinted, glancing at her 'girlfriend', and Blake elbowed her with as much restraint as possible: Yang grit her teeth, resolved to think twice before making references to cats, before finally sighing and burying her lips in Blake's neck.

"Sorry," she mumbled, feeling her tense beneath her. "Let's kiss and make up."

"Nothing doing," muttered Blake, noting that no one was paying attention anyway. "We've become mainstream, and no one is really paying attention anymore. Look," she added, nodding in Cardin's direction, "he's not even watching. Let's just quit while we're ahead."

"We're seeing this through to the end," contradicted Yang, but she couldn't help but think Blake might be right. Maybe it was time for a little shift in strategy before they struck the final blow…

* * *

"What are we supposed to do _tomorrow_?" griped Weiss, before Blake could say anything. "Proclaim our undying love in front of all the school and swear to get married as soon as we're of age, or something?"

Ruby couldn't stifle a giggle at Weiss's sarcasm, but said nothing—Yang seemed to be seriously considering it, and she didn't want to accidentally convince her older sister it was the best course of action.

Instead, Yang surprised everyone by sighing. "Tomorrow's off, everyone," she announced, swinging her legs off the side of the bed: Ruby let out an excited squeal before clamping a hand over her mouth. Yang wouldn't abandon such a stable plan if she could help it; something else was up.

"What's going on?" asked Blake warily. "You don't seem the type to get cold feet, out of all of us."

"Well," began Yang uncertainly, "I'm not sure it's working. I mean, _enough_." She could practically hear the blood boiling all around her, but before any of her furious teammates could explode, she added hastily, "We'll keep it up, but tomorrow, we're going to try teaching Cardin a lesson. _Directly_ this time."

"Great," growled Weiss, turning violently over in bed and wishing she'd never met any of them. "It's wonderful to know that the last week has been a _complete_ waste of time and energy. Now, good night."

"I think there have been some good experiences," contradicted Yang optimistically. "We learned a lot more about each other—"

"Good _night_."

* * *

Cardin had never been so terrified in his life.

He was roped head to toe with thick, satiny black ribbon, Belladonna observing him smirkingly. Xiao Long held him against the wall by the throat, primed to pump him full of lead at the first sign of a struggle; Rose had her scythe-gun-thing at the ready; and Schnee's Dust-fueled rapier was drawn.

"Do you take it back?" hissed the blonde, and Cardin's eyes widened.

"Can't—breathe—" he spluttered, and her hold relaxed somewhat; he sucked in air, heart beating wildly, and stared at the two couples surrounding him. Really, he had only been implying that maybe they should consider getting boyfriends, or at the very least having the decency to fall for _him_. What had they heard him say?!

"Take it back," ordered Xiao Long, and Cardin swallowed.

"Okay," he said, voice almost as high-pitched as Jaune's. "I take it back," he enunciated, when the girls looked their skepticism. "You _don't_ need boyfriends." Mostly because they looked so good together, he added privately—but there was no need for them to know that part of the equation.

"You're just… giving up?" asked Xiao Long incredulously, releasing him; he sank awkwardly to the ground, still bound by ribbons. The other three stared at her, and their expressions were of blank shock, or otherwise completely unreadable—Cardin frowned, but knew better than to ask what was going on.

"Yeah," agreed Cardin, voice cracking like Jaune's might. "I—I was just kidding," he added, untruthfully this time, but it might as well have been a joke for all he cared about what he'd said. He'd gladly say the opposite if it would just get him untied.

Belladonna released him almost as soon as he thought it, and he scurried away as quickly as he could—but paused as he rounded the corner, glancing back to find that Rose, Schnee, and Belladonna were advancing towards a stuttering Xiao Long, weapons at the ready with savage smiles and vengeful eyes.

* * *

_I suppose my previous closing statement was a little harsh, so I'm replacing it with this—but that doesn't change the fact that I still hate these ships with a passion as fiery as Yang's hair._


End file.
